A Fresh Start

It’s been a nice long break since the last (and only entry) and as they say, time has done its work on me. Not to say that the sense of loss has diminished or that anything that has happened was justified. The only acceptable truth is that God has His plans and there is a sense of renewed commitment to trusting God and His direction in my life.

I don’t want to be one of those morose people constantly living in the past and under a dark cloud. That is not how God created us to be… Living the life of a victorious Christian is more about basking in God’s favour and in the knowledge that God has His hand on all that is happening in my life — whether or not it makes sense.

So, I have decided that my meanderings should wander further into the realm of my normal life and how it could or could not be of any interest to anyone except me!

The Man (the Significant Other than God has blessed me with!), has been instrumental in nudging back into the world of the written word.

We had a rather lively discussion on what kind of people actually post blogs — from my perspective, it seems that only egotistical people would think they have something to say that people give a hoot about …

Anyway… it’s my sister’s birthday today, and thought I’d keep this post short and sweet — a tribute to her memory, and a fresh start to celebrate life and perhaps take a realistic look at how life can be so much more complicated than it needs to be!

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Meandering through…

Where should I start? A look at our rather unusual childhoods and the possible clues to what was to come in our adutlhoods? Or perhaps our first true feelings when we reluctantly realized that perhaps there was something not quite right about Sujay — something that just couldn’t be attributed to growing up angst and a bad temper?

What kinds of information would resonate with others out there also dealing with bewildering questions — what did we do wrong? How could we have prevented this? Is it nature or nurture? How genetic are these mental issues? Come on, this is Asia… we just don’t talk about such things, do we? 

So many questions… I am somewhat worried that my written thoughts might come across as random and somewhat unstructured, but if you knew anything about me at all, you’d quickly dispel that possibility. 

As I start on what could be a long journey through the complex maze of mental health/illness and the (no choice, but have to be) strong people who care for relatives and friends who are debilitated by such afflictions, I know that I will not be alone… there are others who will want to share their experiences and wisdom so that we can all make sense of this crazy world we live in. 

Daisiesonmymind was born one morning as I was getting ready for work and was feeling somewhat worn out. It was one of those ‘blue’ days. My only sister, Mallika, had just been killed by her 31-year-old paranoid schizophrenic son, Sujay, just a few days earlier. I still couldn’t quite piece together what had happened. And more importantly, why? But then, that’s such a cliched question, one is almost hesitant to explore possible answers. 

No matter… the why may never have an acceptable answer, and no one may ever really know the truth of what had actually happened, since it was just Mallika and Sujay at home that night. What’s more important, is that her death means something… at least to me, if not to anyone else. It’s only as I take my fingers to the keyboard (as opposed to pen on paper), and hopefully reach out to others who may possibly be at the precipice of such a tragedy in their own lives, will I feel that Mallika died for a good reason.